'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Randomize
