i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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