Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
