You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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