he told me I talked like a deaf person
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
