Did you just see the Batmobile???
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
