Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
