walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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