Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
