im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
