Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Acid is not a monday night drug
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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