Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
My feet surprised me
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