guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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