There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
