Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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