my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
