Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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