Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
The best revenge is premature balding
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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