Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
