We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
