I'd wear matching sweaters with you
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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