you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
