Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
