and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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