Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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