hell yes lets make some ravioli
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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