morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i think i have herpe
just one?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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