Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
The best revenge is premature balding
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
