I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
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