I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
