You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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