Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
