Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
sick fucks of a feather flock together
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
