I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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