the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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