Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
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