Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
