Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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