You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
