I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
This is the high leading the old right now
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
