my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
