Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
