I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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