so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
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