lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
