You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
