hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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