I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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