i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
