I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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