I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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