yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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