Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
