Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
