i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
