you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
