Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
